Core Tenet #6: Respecting the Identities of Others

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Topic: Core Tenet #6: Respecting the Identities of Others


The gender identities and sexual orientations of others are valid, and are to be respected. Use a person’s preferred name and pronouns. 


This Tenet sometimes requires a great deal of Patience and Compassion. Any individual struggling with gender identity issues, or even those who have chosen to use a different name for other reasons, deserves to be addressed according to their wishes. While it can be hard to use a new name, especially if you’ve known the person since birth by their given name, it does you no harm to at least try to use it. It means a great deal to them for their identity to be accepted and validated by friends and family members. Transgendered individuals are at increased risk of suicide, and one factor that contributes to that risk is others’ refusal to use their preferred name and pronouns. 


I have a couple of examples of individuals who, for one reason or another, chose a different name for themselves. My favorite nephew's name is Blake, but he was named Brittany at birth. My friend Katsu’s given name is Zachary, but he never uses it, because he was given the name out of spite. Everyone now calls him Katsu, including his own mother. Another friend was transitioning when I knew them, and their name and identity would change almost daily during their transition. While it was sometimes confusing to know whether to call them Willow or William, they would usually provide clues, such as how they were dressed or their mannerisms. The point is that everyone has the right to self-identify, and to select a name that suits them. I personally go by CJ rather than Cindy. If it helps, think of the new name as a nickname of sorts. 


Gender identity and sexual orientation have always existed on a spectrum; it’s only recently that it’s been publicly recognized, but scientists and researchers have known it for decades. People really are born with a brain/body mismatch sometimes, and it’s much easier to change the body than the mind.  


Everyone expresses their sexuality in their own personal way, and unless they volunteer the information, another person’s orientation is really none of your business. Never judge someone based on their assumed or expressed sexual orientation.  


Can you set aside your personal opinions and feelings to exercise true Compassion, and address others according to their chosen identity? 


 

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