Living With Integrity

 

Topic: Living With Integrity

While a great deal of social media is sensationalism and fake news, occasionally you find something moving and profound. Browsing Facebook one day, I found this gem of a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky:

“A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love, and, in order to divert himself, having no love in him, he yields to impulses, indulges in the lowest forms of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal. And it all comes from lying – lying to others and to yourself.”

This is an exercise in living with Integrity. Speak and seek the Truth at all times and in all things, and you will learn to trust, and then to respect, and then to love. But if all you know is deception, you will never be able to trust the words or even actions of others. You will constantly be questioning the motives of those around you, and you will assume that everyone else is just as dishonest as you are. I have met people like this. Their lives are miserable. The most unfortunate part is that somebody who is in the habit of lying to themselves all the time can easily convince themselves that all their troubles are the fault of somebody else. They will never learn from their mistakes, because they will never acknowledge that they have made mistakes. They end up becoming completely egocentric, thinking only of their own wants and needs and disregarding the agency of others, even their romantic partners.

This is also an expression of Ka; in the words of Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, your character becomes your destiny, and the energy you contribute to the Universe is what comes back to you. Self-deceit leads to an endless succession of lost jobs and failed relationships, as people grow tired of the lies. A pathological liar puts nothing but negative energy into the Universe, so they get nothing but negative energy in return, but always wonders why. Thus a person who lies to himself is suffering, deeply and dumbly, without knowing how to make the suffering stop. There’s really nothing you can do for such a person. They have created their own Ka. But if we are honest, both with ourselves and with others, and hold ourselves accountable for our own actions, we find that it is easier to always be on our best behavior.

It is important that we give others the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are being truthful until they prove otherwise. However, if somebody insists on making outlandish and unlikely claims, or doesn’t seem to live up to their own standards, it may be best for your personal well-being to avoid contact with them. At the same time, though, if a loved one is suffering from some form of self-deceit about a bad relationship or substance abuse issue, it is Compassionate to gently try to show them what is happening to them, and encourage them to seek help, as long as we refrain from judgment.

Are there any lies that you tell yourself that you can recognize, acknowledge, and let go of? Or do you strive to live with honesty and integrity?