In Which the Pastor Takes Down God

 In Which the Pastor Takes Down God

No idea is above dissection. While we have touched on a few of the ways in which the god character in monotheistic mythology is deeply flawed, I have yet to do a full-on takedown of the character himself. In this sermon, we will be going back over some ground we have covered before, but this time we are compiling all the most compelling evidence against the entity that monotheistic mythology claims controls the Universe.

First, let us enumerate the characteristics of the god character: He is claimed to be all-powerful, all-knowing, and present everywhere, but also lives in big, expensive buildings that only certain people are allowed to enter. He loves everyone, except those he hates, a list that varies from sect to sect. He created the Universe and everything in it, but somehow nobody blames him for mosquitoes. Everything that happens is according to god’s plan, but also bad things happen because of the Devil, a being with his own questionable origins. He had a kid who grew up to be a carpenter and then a rabbi and then for some reason had to be brutally executed and resurrected so that god could learn forgiveness.

So, is he really all-powerful? It is highly unlikely; the existence of an enemy to this entity, which we addressed in the sermon Sympathy for the Devil, tells us that there is at least one other being that he cannot simply destroy. He cannot just strike all sinners dead all at once; he has to rely on a flood that kills everything and everyone, including all vegetation and sea life, because there were too many people not kissing his celestial ass. He is completely helpless to just reveal himself to humanity in a clear, accessible way, either. He relies on televangelists and missionaries, many of which turn out to be hypocritical deviants, all of whom are spreading a completely different word. There are thousands of books telling you who the god character is and what he wants from you, all different, all just the opinions of the authors. The god character refuses to solve the mystery for good and all, and lets humans continue to stumble around in the dark with no clear guidance until they die. Also, as mentioned in a previous sermon, if god is truly omnipotent, then he is directly responsible for the Holocaust, so he is either evil or helpless to stop evil.

How about all-knowing? This is a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t question, really. If he is all-knowing, then free will is an illusion and we can only do that which our creator has intended. No, really: Try doing something that would surprise an all-knowing entity. If he is not all-knowing, then you can decieve him if you are sly enough. If he is not actually all-knowing but just claims to be, you can give him a nasty shock just by not doing what he wants you to do, which is the ultimate freedom.

As far as being present everywhere, most Christians who claim to believe this do not really act like it. There are a distressing number of incredibly religious people who have no problem treating humans from other tribes like dirt while claiming to follow the teachings of the Jesus character. Maybe this is unrealistic, but if they really believed that their god was watching them all the time, I like to think they would be better behaved. (Plus, it would make sex super-creepy.)

The idea that god “loves” everyone but would still condemn some of us to burn in Hell for all eternity for any reason is an obvious contradiction. I suspect that god’s idea of “love” resembles that of my first husband, who showed me how much he loved me by controlling everything I did and alienating all my friends. If god lived in a trailer park, he would be on some kind of government watch list. Various sects of Christians like to claim that there are people whom their god actually hates or at the very least disapproves of, all the while proclaiming “god is love” like somebody with Stockholm Syndrome.

The Jesus myth is one of the worst stories I have ever heard, from the nativity to the supposed execution and resurrection. Let’s start with the virgin birth story. It is intended to both deify the Jesus character and reinforce the demonization of sex that is a staple of most monotheistic religious traditions, but it is much more likely that the whole thing was just invented by the men who eventually wrote the new testament. The story in the King James bible skips ahead a ways, but the kid grows up and finds out he is the son of god. So he goes on to become basically an itinerant teacher and preacher, which is a noble enough goal. This is where things get tricky, though. He makes some enemies, and they nail him to a tree. Keep in mind, this whole saga is, as far as Christians are concerned, totally according to god’s plan. He knew, he planned, to see his only begotten son crucified for literally no reason. Think about the explanation for this that you will get from a Christian: They will say that the god character loves them so much that he conceived and slaughtered one of them just so he could learn to forgive. I have to admit, this idea makes me face-palm so hard I have fingerprints on my amygdala. If a person acted this way, we would have to throw them in prison, because there is no way somebody who thinks this way is not a psychopath.

All in all, I would say that the god character in most monotheistic mythologies is much like an abusive spouse. He does the most brutal, heinous things, all while claiming to love us so much that he actually planned out and executed (ha!) a human sacrifice that turned out not to be much of a sacrifice after all, since the kid just came back to life a few days later. People who worship him like to apologize for his actions and rationalize his mistreatment of them, which I remember doing more than once while I was in an abusive relationship. He likes to control what his worshippers do with their bodies, forbidding certain foods or sex acts or even words, another red flag. And just like my most abusive former spouse, he has to dictate who you associate with. Then, when you die, if you did not make god happy, you get to burn in Hell. Forever. Abusive partners love to threaten you with your worst fears to keep you under their control.

Finally, here is a summation of the human relationship with god, source unknown:

Jesus: Let me in.

Humanity: Why?

Jesus: So I can save you.

Humanity: From what?

Jesus: From what I’m going to do to you if you don’t let me in.

It is a rigged game, folks. One person literally has all the power and is playing both sides; it is not the Devil who condemns you to Hell. He is just doing the job that the god character wants him to do.